Course Experience

This was my first online course and I have to say, I still prefer face-to-face interaction. That isn't to say I did not enjoy this course, because I certainly did. This is my fourth course with Rachel and I continue to learn from her and from my classes. I learned about theories I had never heard of before, even though I've been working in the field of ELL for twelve years. What I appreciated the most was the discussions. My fellow students always had interesting perspectives and I think the best learning comes from the discussions and interaction with your peers. This is a good thing to keep in mind when I am planning activities for my students.

What I found challenging about the online experience was the difficulty in communication. Sometimes I didn't understand an assignment, or had trouble with the site, and there wasn't someone I could directly talk to. Sometimes I find it harder to communicate with the written word, and I am not clear with my questions or input. But there were also times when I found the assignments confusing, unclear, or there wasn't enough instruction. For some reason, I was never able to view the rubrics, so I was often left wondering, "What does Rachel want? How is this supposed to look?" And since this was online and I wasn't in a room with classmates and an instructor, I felt alone in figuring it out.

The best part was working on the wiki with my team. I was really proud of the work we did and I think it was my most enjoyable, though time-consuming assignment. There were some frustrating moments, but it's the piece I enjoyed doing the most.

I thought taking an online class might save me the trouble of leaving my son in the evening. My husband is capable of taking care of him, but he's still at an age when he prefers Mama and he's used to being put to bed by me. But it was still a challenge to get online and do work on the computer while my baby was still up and that affected the timeliness of my posts. I think if I was taking a class in person, I would be better able to focus on the lesson without distractions, so I look forward to taking an in person class again.

Wiki Project

I usually do not enjoy working with groups and often prefer to work independently. But my experience with this group was a positive one. The group members were motivated, focused and they worked hard. They were knowledgeable about the material and had great ideas. Our biggest problem was communicating and making sure everyone was on the same page with the tasks, but it was not a significant issue and we worked through it rather smoothly.
I am proud of the wiki we made and I think we did a good job with it. I think everyone made significant contributions and it was a balanced representation of our talents, ideas, and creativity.
Overall, it was a good experience and I would happily work on another project with the same team.

Second Language Learning Theories

My result from the Learning Style Survey said that I learned from "Doing" and "Feeling" which put me in the "Organizing" category. I find this interesting because my struggles with Spanish seem to be explained by this. To give some background, my parents are both from Mexico and Spanish was their first language, though they learned English in school as they both grew up in East Los Angeles attending Catholic schools, with nuns and priests and all that. Both families lived in poverty and my grandparents were pretty undereducated. I suppose it was with this lack of education and awareness, or perhaps it was the prevailing attitude at the time, but I was raised in a mostly English household. My parents now say it was because they thought they would help me in school if they spoke English with me, but they regret not maintaining the Spanish. I spoke both languages as a toddler and a preschooler, but by the time I was in school I spoke mostly English. You could say it was an example of subtractive bilingualism, but I don't think my Spanish was ever fully developed enough to count. From my own memories, I can only remember speaking English.
I took Spanish classes in highschool and college, but I never seemed to be comfortable speaking it, and my learning reached a stagnation point. In the book, this was referred to as fossilization. For many years, my Spanish didn't move past a basic or early intermediate proficiency. It wasn't until after I started teaching and spent the summer in Mexico that my level of Spanish was pushed towards fluency. Why is that? Why was I able to gain fluid and comfortable speech in a matter of weeks when years of study got my nowhere? I think it's because of the structure of the classroom, which had high pressure to perform and perfect, and a low level of community and "belongedness." Yes, I made up that word!  While I was on my trip, I was surrounded by native speakers and I had no choice but to use Spanish to communicate, but I was also with people who were friendly, non-judgmental, and eager to converse about topics that interested me. While I do not recommend the complete immersion model for young students, for while they will learn English that way, it comes at a high price and they, like me, may lose their first language, but for older learners and adults who have established identities and firm literacy in the first language, it may work, especially if they prefer to learn in a low structure environment and be immersed in natural experiences.
For that was key for me, it wasn't about learning and memorizing grammar, and vocabulary, it was using language as it was needed in real circumstances. I do think we need to make language learning as real as possible with a sense of purpose. This is not unlike the Natural Approach. But some grammar instruction needs to be included, especially for younger students who need to understand how language works.
Another reason I think my learning of Spanish changed when I made my visit to Mexico was because I was accepted in a real community, even though the Mexican locals called me "gringa" and I had previously considered myself a Mexican-American. This was crucial. A huge road block for me growing up was my identity. I wasn't Mexican, but I wasn't White. I lived in an all-white neighborhood (my parents pinched pennies to be able to buy a home in an area where they felt it was safer and we had better opportunities). The kids in school didn't really see me as hispanic until they saw my parents or heard them speak, then they would look at me weird. When more hispanic children started to attend my school, they did not accept me either because I couldn't speak Spanish and therefore wasn't like them and didn't belong. In high school, most of the hispanic girls were "cholas" and thought I was a school nerd and they called me names like "pocha" (traitor) and "coconut" (brown on the outside but white on the inside). I didn't really know where I belonged. When I was with my family, everything was okay, we were Mexicans and I felt Mexican. My numerous cousins didn't speak Spanish that well either, and my tios spoke Spanglish so everyone understood each other fine. We were surrounded by the culture and food and music that made me feel a part of Mexican-ness. But at school and with my few friends, I felt awkward. But when I went to Mexico, where I truly was a foreigner, I finally understood why I had been so rejected. To the locals, as they explained it to me, it didn't matter that my parents were Mexicans, I wasn't born in Mexico so therefore I wasn't Mexican. It was about nationality. I also didn't speak the language so that was hugely important to the Mexican identity. But once it was explained to me in a non-judgmental way, I felt better. I also met other people like me, so I didn't feel alone. The Mexicans liked me anyway even though I was just another gringa and they were happy to help me learn without making me inferior. It was this sense of self and comfort that I was able to break down the barriers and let myself learn.
The comfort hasn't lasted and my fluency has wained, however. I find myself once again in an environment where I am alone. The staff I teach with is all white, except for two Mexican women, a custodian, and a secretary. They do not want anything to do with me. I'm not really sure why. Sometimes I feel like I did in high school, rejected and laughed at behind my back. I find that my Spanish falters in their presence, and even without. I don't feel comfortable speaking Spanish anymore.

What has all of this taught me in regards to teaching ELLs? I understand how much a sense of community and belonging matter. I understand how vital it is that students maintain their home language and home identity. That in the effort to learn English and live in America, that they don't lose who they were and become lost or marginalized, by both native English speakers, and by their own people who may see them as "traitors."